Bereavement – counselling advice

Most people experience grief when they lose something or someone important to them. If these feelings are affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help.

Support is also available if you’re finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression.

Symptoms of bereavement, grief and loss

Bereavement, grief and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. There’s no right or wrong way to feel.

As well as bereavement, there are other types of loss such as the end of a relationship or losing a job or home.

Some of the most common symptoms include:

• shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about “being in a daze”
• overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
• tiredness or exhaustion
• anger – towards the person you’ve lost or the reason for your loss
• guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say, or not being able to stop your loved one dying

These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly.

It’s not always easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you’re acting or feeling differently.Stages of bereavement or grief

Experts generally accept that we go through 5 stages of bereavement or grief:

1. Denial – feelings of shock, disbelief, panic or confusion
2. Anger – feelings and behaviours such as blaming yourself or blaming others
3. Depression – feeling tired, hopeless or helpless – like you have lost perspective or feel isolated
4. Bargaining – feelings of guilt often raise questions like “If only I had done more”
5. Acceptance – this does not mean that you like the situation, it’s about accepting your loss and being ready to move forward

Although these are accepted as the most common stages of grief, everyone experiences grief differently.

Read more about what grief can feel like on the Mind website

Most people go through all these stages, but you will not necessarily move smoothly from one to the next.

Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.

Things you can try to help with bereavement, grief and loss

Further information and support

You can find further information and support about:

• grief and bereavement on the Cruse Bereavement Care website
• losing your partner or child in pregnancy
• losing someone to suicide on the Mind website

The GOV.UK website also has information about what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.

Where to get NHS help for stress, anxiety or depression

Referring yourself for therapy

If you need more support, you can get free talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on the NHS.

You can refer yourself directly to a talking therapies service without a referral from a GP.

Find an NHS talking therapies service